We Can Agree to Change, If We Want.

This was in my FB memories from 5 years ago. A PSA from Sandy Hook promise about the threat of school shootings. The message here was that "no one noticed." We know from the Oxford shooting that this wasn't the case. And we know that in fact the school attempted to address the concerning behavior they noticed, identified, and escalated in relationship with the parents (a tragic flaw in judgement and process, I think.)

As consideration of culpability continues, and the investigation into schools actions is pursued, I think it's worth reflecting on a few questions...because if we want something different to happen, we will need to agree to some different terms/contracting.

An article I read this morning alleged that the school didn't go far enough to assess the specific threat given "just how horribly commonplace school shootings are." I agree. And yet, I'm not sure that it's reasonable to expect more given the 'thoughts and prayers' culture we continue to endorse.

Collectively we do not treat school shootings with the severity and horror that they deserve. We don't engage in broad-sweeping policy change. We don't engage the threats directly - guns and boys. We teach kids ages 5 and up how to behave when it happens to them. We invest in stronger door locks while simultaneously working to increase access to weapons of terror.

We continue to work against the data to excuse a culture that glorifies violence. Both of the flagged behaviors were deflated and dismissed by common covers: video games and family gun culture. These are actually not excuses, they are actually risk factors that data indicates are in and of themselves able to increase one's proclivity for violence. Not to mention that we are currently debating(!) at the national level whether threats of violence are to be taken seriously. Members of congress are threatening gleefully violence to other members of congress and we can't agree that this is a problem?! But in the midst of this, this disturbed child's (gross and seemingly) obvious threats are supposed to lead to a clear line of action?

We also gave a lot of power to the parents in this situation, who are for sure culpable, but who also could have been questioned about their gun habits except that we've deemed that off limits, normal, and outside the purview of public institutions. And I can't help but think about how much more power we've given to parents in the last two years. Parents who want to ban books and ban health precautions and who want to demand exactly how school looks and operates for their children. Over the last two years we've witnessed the erosion of schools ability broadly to decide, implement and act to mitigate risks based on the common good and well-being of the whole student body.

But now, in the face of this tragedy, we can agree to change, if we want it. If we no longer want to accept the consequences of our many, many collective moral compromises. We can agree that school shootings are terrorizing a generation of children and future adults and are worth working extremely hard to prevent, no matter what. We can agree to unfettered access to weapons of terror and death create a safety risk to those in the community, especially if additional warning signs are noticed, and therefore possession of them is the business of the community. We can agree to tighten laws to restrict access of children to guns and actually enforce them. We can hold parents accountable for their role in making these weapons available. We can yield back some power to our community Institutions to make sound, evidence and science based decisions on behalf of community well-being. We can take very, very seriously threats of violence - to school children, to school administrators, to public officials, to others.

I want such a different world for my children. I've laid awake at night each night this week thinking about all the people who were impacted by this horrifying act and these deaths. I obviously think about the families and wonder how they will go on. I think about the first responders and the nurses at the hospital who kept Justin Shilling's body alive so that his organs could be donated. I think about the children who will receive those organs and their forever psychic connection to this slaying. I think about the teachers and the school officials who I'm sure haven't been able to sleep (eat?) and who will on top of an already hellacious two years rise to the occasion to hold space for the other children in their care.

And I think about all the kids, millions of children, who wonder if this fate will also be theirs...who will go to school today and if they are lucky (like mine are) will have thoughtful dialog with thoughtful and dedicated educators who will delicately navigate a conversation full of things we've made off limits to them but will do their best to assure the children that their school is a safe place. But who would be crazy to wonder, is it? How could we know?